This question definitely crossed my mind more than once, I
have to admit. I didn’t know where this sickness came from, why it was here and
when it was going to go. I thought that He was punishing me for something, but
I would rack my brain trying to think of something and got myself all entangled
with my thoughts. I needed to know that God cared; I needed to know that I was
worth fighting for, because all I could see was just a bag of bones not worth
saving.
My view had to change in order for me to be on the right path of getting well.
I watched DVDs about God’s love, I read, and I listened but nothing was hitting
home.
By this time it was May and I had an exam to do for my first
year in university. I wasn't well enough to go by myself as it was somewhere I
had never been before and was an hour away from my house. So my mum came with
me, (I did feel embarrassed but I knew I needed help!). That morning I asked
God if He would show me how much He loved me.
We got to the exam
place and I sat down to do my test. Thirty minutes into it I looked up and
everything was spinning. My eyes couldn’t focus and I felt like I was going to
throw up! I thought to myself ‘oh God please don’t make me puke in front of all
these people’! I put my hand up to go to the bathroom and an examiner led me to
the bathroom. When inside I just prayed and prayed and called out to God for
strength. I felt a little better and
walked out the bathroom. The lady saw my face and hers dropped from a smile. I
told her I wasn’t well and went to go get my teacher. As I was sitting in the
foyer this boy leaned over and asked: ‘Are you OK? I’m concerned about you?’ No
one’s ever said that to me before nor would I think a stranger would say ‘I’m
concerned about you’! I was so touched
and reassured him that I would be alright and he offered his services if I
needed anything. My teacher came down and gave me options about finishing the
test, and I said I just want to finish it and told him that my mum was nearby
to help. I finished quickly and came down to find my friend had finished too.
She sat with me and kept me occupied. My teacher, whom I wasn’t fond of because
of how he would do certain things, offered to give my mum, my friend and me a
ride home! I was shocked and a little nervous to get into his car, but I wasn’t
going to be alone. He drove us all the way back to our road. It was the
kindness of God to do that for me.
I can’t see what lies ahead of me, but I know that God can.
I saw that God had my day planned out perfectly; He made sure that every step
of the way I was cared for and loved, even by people I didn’t expect it from. I
believe the love of God is seen through people and their actions, which is just
a glimpse of what God does for us. He uses other people to bless us and remind
us of what He has done.
I can say, without doubt or wavering, that God loves me.
